What I do best

As you may or may not know, I am English. This means I am good at ranting. I’m also not Pastatdude, illustrious master of this blog – I’m his partner, John. I often drive him mad with how much I rant, though he’s always brilliantly patient with me, and he encourages me to talk non-stop. That’s good, really, since talking is what I do best.

This post is likely not going to make much sense or have much form, mostly because I’m very unsure what to think at the moment. I’m at a crossroads between college, work and – interestingly – World of Warcraft (which, from now on, I’ll be calling ‘WoW’). Now, before you wave the ‘addicted!’ hammer at me, I’ll have you know that I don’t play WoW an awful lot anymore.

If anything, I’m playing Star Wars: The Old Republic (SWTOR from now on) much more than WoW at the moment. The gameplay and story is more interesting for me, though that is likely to change eventually – gamers are fickle creatures, and their attention shifts a lot. But I still play WoW, and I still pay Blizzard their £9 a month, because of my guild.

They’re called ‘The Mok’lohn Command’, and I’m in charge of them. We’re a roleplaying guild and we’re probably one of the largest RP (roleplaying) guilds on the server. I feel bound to them, but not just because I am in charge. I love them, in all their silly glory. I am inspired by the enthusiasm that they all show, and though I often have to deal with problems and drama from them (a topic I like to call ‘Mok’lohn Crap’), I still love them. So no, I’m not addicted to WoW, I’m addicted to the Mok’lohn.

This leads me back to the whole crossroads analogy. The work I want to do get into is within the media industry; this is what I want to do, and I love media, especially editing. It doesn’t matter what it is, if I get the chance, I will edit it. Anyway, to get into the media industry, you have to start at the bottom. I’ve already got my eyes on a job as a GM (Game Master) for World of Warcraft; they basically act as in-game customer service for WoW players, and sort out problems with people, the game, or any other issues a player may have (I’m massively generalising here, obviously).

Despite some people (you know who you are) calling GMs a “glorified phone service”, it’s so much more than that. You need to have a deep love and knowledge of the game and, after several years growing up with WoW, I’d say I fit the bill. Besides knowing the game inside out, I love talking to people and, more importantly, I love LISTENING to people. If someone in the Mok’lohn has a problem, in-game or in real life, then they can always talk to me. Hell, even people outside of the guild can do that. Alongside this, the community around being a GM is brilliant – it has to be, I suppose, considering how stressful their job can be. I spent some time in Ireland with some friends who were GMs, and I met some other GMs, along with taking a look at where they live and how they live.

Long story short, this is where I want to get started. It may not be a glamorous job, but it is one that I know I would love through and through, and a job that I would be good at. Besides, Blizzard require for you to have spent a few years within the company before you’re ever considered for a job in any of their other departments. It’s a great place for me to start.

Finally, there’s college. I’ll be blunt about this; I’ve given up. I won’t pretend otherwise or dance around the topic. I know my mum reads this blog, and I know she’s probably very unhappy right about now. But it’s how I feel. Whenever I even think about college, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and I go “Urgh”. This is mostly because of my situation; to do my current media course, I restarted college after one year of it. Now, a year after I would otherwise have left to continue to university, I’ve lost all will to continue. The benefits of finishing the course do not outweigh my desire to just leave, and get out there.

I’ve talked to the people I trust about this, and I’ve heard things like “You’ve come so far already”, “think of all the time that would go to waste”, “What if the GM job doesn’t work out or you get declined?” and “you only have a few months of college left now”.

I just want to put one argument down, first. The whole “only a few months left” thing. As I said, I’ve lost it completely for college. What makes anyone think that the LAST SIX MONTHS OF THE COURSE, the toughest part of the entire two years, will somehow change that? I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably have no college certificates, and just saying “but you’re so close to finishing” won’t help at all. The bottom line is that, one way or another, I very much doubt I’ll be passing this course.

Everything about college is getting me down; the people, the work, the teachers, the environment, their incessant yelling about how university is the messiah of all that is good in this otherwise indoctrinated, pathetic world; all of it, it drives me mad. The only thing that keeps me at college is the £20 a week I receive for attending – but, because I’ve lost the will to continue, the quality of my work will likely ensure that I won’t get it anymore. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see on that one.

So, back to my crossroads analogy. Between college and WoW, I find that being able to have a positive impact in people’s lives, no matter how small, makes me happy, and makes WoW far more important for me. I want to keep helping, so I want to follow that path and become a GM. Unfortunately, I feel that college I just holding me back, and I want nothing more than to be rid of it. The whole experience of being a GM interests me; where I’d live, how I’d live, the work itself, how it would react to my relationship with Steve, all of that stuff.

On another topic, I find it quite ironic that I actually wrote this post down on a notepad (using a pen and paper, the horror) at college during one of my lessons. I doubt I could do any work if I tried. It’s difficult for me. I told one of my media teachers, Matt, about my situation, and he suggested that I just give it a go before it drives me mad. I’m very much unsure what to do, really. As I said, crossroads. If I’m entirely honest, I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll give up college, not get the job as a GM, and disappoint Steve. I know he teases me about my patience and determination, but it would destroy me to know that he’s disappointed in me.

I’m going to go for it, regardless of the consequences. Hopefully Blizzard sees me as a determined soul who wants to do good and work in an professional environment where I can help the company, not as an idiot who likes playing games and who thinks they can just become a GM for fun. My mum’s going to be very, very angry. I don’t care. This is what I want to do.

Thank you for reading all of this. You’ve been a massive help. Now, I’m going to try and stop crying mid-lesson and get to work.