Er?

I'm confused. This was an ad on a website I was reading. Just a simple Google-sense ad. But wtf. It states "create Hollywood-style special effects!"......yet it has a picture of an anime character on it.

I had a Fonzie moment...

I went upstairs for dinner, and was filling up my plate when the red light went out on the stove. This stove is a GE electric stove, and is quite old. Prolly around 25-30 years old, as a matter of fact. Anyway, this red light does nothing more than inform you that one of the burners is on. My Mom goes, "Hey, what happened to the light?"

I then proceeded to smack the countertop with my fist, and the light came back on. I felt quite Fonz-like.

The Birds......part 2

Remember the story about the bird that nearly flew threw the windshield?

This morning, I was headed home with my Mom. She was driving. We're almost home, and there are these two large black birds on the road. They flew to the right, away from us, as we approached. Remembering the experience a few weeks ago, I yelled loudly in mimic of the way she reacted to that said bird. This, of course, scared the shit out of her and she screamed as well. Which was quite funny in itself. But, then one of the bird made a u-turn and flew in front of us, and she screams again. THAT was just hilarious.

Please leave a donation...

I donated blood today. I've done so a million times before and it's never that big of a deal. They threw me a curve today, however.

"Would you like do the red cell plasma donation?"

Excuse me?

I've never donated anything other than whole blood, so I had no idea what she was talking about. I found out that they simply separate the red blood cells and plasma out of your blood as you donate, and put the rest back into your body along with a nutrient solution. It was actually kind of neat, because the fluids going back into my body were below room temperature, so I felt all cold on the INSIDE. I've never felt anything quite like it before.

I kinda wish they would have told me it took twice as long though. =/

Adventures with the Stupid

Common theme it seems. I typed in that title and it's on autocomplete. Golden!

Anyway, I had to stop and get a gallon of milk after the visit to the nursing home this evening. Sadly, the GOOD supermarket in my town closes pretty early in the evening, so I was forced to go to this crappy convenience store over a few streets. I hate this place because it seems to attract all the trash in a 30 mile radius. Tonight was no exception.

I knew I was in for an adventure when it took me 5 minutes to find a jug of milk that didn't expire TOMORROW. Finally, I find an August 11th one, and I make my way to the counter. I should note that my sister was with me here. Now, I get to the counter and there's this little skinny old-ish man buying cigarettes. My sister goes over the magazine rack, and I wait in line. The man starts talking, and it's not coherent. I soon realize that this guy is thoroughly intoxicated. After paying and mumbling something about gas money, he turns from the counter to leave and loses his balance. He wavers around wildling, almost falling into me. He was so small that he wouldn't have even moved me anyway, so I just stood watching him, making no attempt to catch him. I would have derived pleasure in seeing him bounce of me and onto the floor, but alas he somehow managed to stay on his feet.

After some more incoherent mumbling, he starts trying to find the door. (Which is only 2 feet behind him, I might add.) I go up to the counter to pay, and notice the cashier (teenage girl) looks kinda worried. I think she thought this guy was actually going to do something, so I lighten the mood a little bit. "Hey, are my sunglasses okay? I think his breath melted them a bit..." This lightened her up a bit.

I turn to see how my drunken friend is doing, and he's still trying to find the door. A woman comes and opens the door, who I'm guessing is this man's wife or girlfriend. She's holding the door open for him, but is standing IN THE DOORWAY. I then realize she's also smashed. My sister sees that I had finished paying, and comes over from the magazine rack, not knowing what had been going on.

"Why are you stopping?" She asks, and I say to her very loudly:

"These people here are drunk off of their asses!"

The woman gives me this nasty evil look, and I turn and look right at her, saying very slowly so her drunk mind could process it: "Yes, DRUNK OFF YOUR ASSES."

We then walked passed them and to our car. As we pulled out, I noticed the guy was actually driving. He nearly ran over a pedestrian and pulled out in front of a car on his way out of the parking lot. Fool.