Thursday, February 23, 2006

Strange Bumper Sticker

I saw the weirdest bumper sticker today:

Why stroke it when you could be cumming?

And they WEREN'T referring to masturbating, because it matched the logo on the top part of the truck for a company called Cummings. Worst catchphrase ever!

In other news, a big dumptruck was on fire in town on my way home. The doods in the truck were freaking out, driving down the road with their truck on fire. Now, given the situation, what is the most reasonable thing to do? I'm not exactly sure, but do you know what they did? Yeah.....they pulled into the gas station.


Monday, February 20, 2006

Can't we all just get along?

The answer, sadly, is no. Human beings will never be able to get along.

There's just too many factors to contribute to the contrary. Race, sex, religion, politics, age, sports, fashion, sexual orientation, occupation....just a few of the limitless things that cause people to fight with each other. I have never, ever, not even once, heard these words:

"Well, I disagree, but I respect your opinion."

Never. Usually it's more like, "I hate you and the thing you believe in!"
Or, the more popular, "I hate you and will try to change the way you think!"

Give me a break.

There is a very thin line here that is difficult to see. I pose this question:

You have one person that thinks murder is okay. You have one person who is about to murder someone.

Stopping the person who is about to murder someone is the right thing to do, because murder is wrong. Isn't that right? Would it then also be right to try and change how person #1 thinks, given that logic?

If so, then what do you do about the things where what is right isn't always clean cut? Such as with an atheist. If your religion says it's a sin to denounce God, then it would be right to try and convince said person there is a God. But this may only seem right from YOUR point of view, not theirs. Them not believing in God isn't hurting anyone else, unlike the person about to murder someone.

This is why people will never get along.

Friday, February 17, 2006

I have the power to bring technology to a screetching halt.

And no, I'm not the fucking Lawnmower Man.

I went to the supermarket today, because I needed some Nestea. I buy the raspberry iced tea by the 12-fridge pack. A week ago, those were on sale -- 4 for $10. However, when I went to get some, they were all out. So, I got a rain check.

Cut to today. I go there, get my iced tea, go checkout, and then hand the rain check to the cashier. And then the fun began.

Right off the bat, the girl didn't know how to handle a rain check. So she called this other lady over. The other lady made an attempt, and failed. So, another lady came over. This lady figured it out, but in the process deleted all the other items I had bought which then had to be unbagged and rescanned. They had to swipe my Giant Eagle advantage card 4 times. It got to the point where the woman actually got out a pen and started adding things up on a piece of paper. I bought the computer system to its KNEES with a slip of paper!

Finally, they got correct. I then swiped my debit card to pay. The fun began again...

After paying, they register needed the key to be inserted into it. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it enjoys having the key shoved up its ass. But they had to hunt down the third lady again and get her to key it. Finally, I was able to leave.

Then one of the 12 packs fell on my fritos and smooshed them. Blarg!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


My family is a bunch of whiners. No, really. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, that's all they know how to do. Why all the bitching? I dunno.

Tonight was a bit odd, and not particularly in a good way. Nothing bad happened to me though, so I'm not complaining. Here's the story though:

When I left for work this morning, my mother says to me, "When you get home from work, call Paula and she'll come pick you up in her minivan so you can go get your TV." (Paula is my sister-in-law.) I was confused, but said OK. (I'm quite capable of asking for favors on my own, and I didn't see why my mother took it upon herself to do this. But whatever...)

To ensure that we weren't going to be making a wasted trip to the store to get said TV, I stopped on my way home and scoped things out. Sure enough, there was indeed one of them sitting underneath the display, so I was good to go. (A 32" for $249. Not too shabby.)

I call my mother as I'm leaving the store, letting her know I was one my way home, and of course the plans changed by then. Now I was driving to my sister-in-law's house to pick up the minivan, with my Dad so he could help me carry it. This confused me even more, because my Dad hurt his shoulder recently and has been in pain ever since. But I'm just going with the flow at this point...

When my Dad pulled into the driveway at my sister-in-law's place, the grate over the sewer popped up and lodged itself under my Dad's car. We couldn't unlodge it, nor move the car because of how jammed it was. I didn't mind that so much. It was the whining I had to listen to about it all the way to the store that nearly made me want to slam my head in the car door a few times. "If your brother would have took 15 minutes out of his so called BUSY day, this never would have happened. I was gonna park across the street too. Dammit. I was gonna leave the keys to my car for Paula in case we didn't get back. Blew that idea. Dammit. And blah and blah and blah and blah." My brother got the grate out of the car while we were at the store. No damage.

We get to the store at 6:00 PM. My sister-in-law needed her vehicle back by 7:00 PM. We had a whole hour. As I walk into the store, they are wheeling my TV into the back room -- someone just bought it 39 seconds before we got there. I asked if they had more in the back, and they said yes, they had five of them. I was like great, I would like to by one. And they are like, great we'll go get one for you. That was at 6:02 PM. At 6:36 PM, we're still waiting. They can't find even 1 of these other 5 TV's that they have in the store. Brilliant.

We wait a few more minutes, and finally we can't wait any longer and have to leave to get the minivan back by 7:00 PM. So I tell the guy at the counter that we've leaving, and he's like, "Oh you're waiting on a TV? I'll just give you the one that guy just bought. He's not going to be picking it up for a few days, so we'll have plenty of time to find the others." Peachy. Why didn't someone suggest this sooner, bonerdock?

So I pay, and he starts wheeling the TV towards the front with me behind him. My Dad went on ahead to pull the minivan up to the front of the store so we could load it. As we're walking through the store, the dude asks me if I like the floor. This really threw me off, but then I looked over to see that part of the floor was in the process of being retiled. So I say, "Oh yeah, it's lovely." And he's like, "I'm doing it." And I'm like OH MY GOD GET ME OUT OF HERE.

He then starts telling me how there used to be carpet there and furniture, but they got sick of people lounging around in the furniture all the time, so they ripped it all out and are tiling the floor. After this lovely story, we're finally the front of the store, and I'm thanking God that my journey is nearly over. Then, as we're walking outside, we pass these toy tanks on display, and he goes, "Wouldn't it be cool if those thing shot ammo, like BB's or paint ball pellets?"

By this time I'm suicidal, and considering running out the door and into traffic. But since I was nearly to the end of my ride out of the Mallrat Zone, I decided to let myself live. I just bought a spiffy new TV anyway, and I should at least enjoy it for a while.

So my Dad and I lift the box to put it in the back of the minivan, and I could tell by the expression of his face that he was in obvious pain. (The fact that he nearly dropped his end of the box also hinted at that.) So, when we got home, I called my brother-in-law, and he came over and helped me move my old TV, and move the new one in. Which worked out good, because then we sat down for 18 holes of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2006. Good times. We also reminisced about the Super Bowl party. (That only took a few seconds, because neither of us remember any of it.)

I learned some funny things about the party tho, stuff I missed while I was busy losing my spleen. My brother-in-law flipped his plate of dinner upside down as he was attempting to eat like he wasn't drunk, and dumped it on my Dad. Someone peed in the dog's water bowl. (Wasn't me!) My sister yelled at my mother that she was going to lysol the toilet before she left. (The one I was "using") My sister was also assertively declaring that she was never hosting a party ever again. Ba-hahahahaha! Golden.

So now I have a new TV, and am ready for the Daytona party this weekend. (MY turn to host. Hehe.)

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Bargain Hunter

My skills in finding a great deal on merchandise is nearly unrivaled. As such, I know that when I need a new coat, the first place I need to stop is Kaufmanns, because they always have a sale going on in the men's clothes department.

So yeah, it was time for a new coat. I've had my old one for about 5 years now, it's got a few irremovable spots on it, never did fit quite right, lost a button, ripped off a belt loop, and for a winter coat, it's not really heavy enough.

So I get to Kaufmanns, and start hunting around. Right off the bat, all men's coats were 40% off. Woo! Next, there were coupons for them as well, which was an additional 15%. Double woo! After all the sales, coupons, etc, I got a $300 coat for $75. Mwa-hahahahaha.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Boo hoo...

Quote from the coach of the Seattle Seahawks:

Holmgren, a former chairman of the NFL's rule-making competition committee, fueled the debate Monday during a rally for the Seahawks at Qwest Field when he said, "We knew it was going to be tough going up against the Pittsburgh Steelers. I didn't know we were going to have to play the guys in the striped shirts as well."

So if we wouldn't have gotten that touchdown that you say we shouldn't have gotten (which we did, get over it), the score would have been 14-10. You still lose. Sorry. The officials tried to fuck us over every game, so now you see what we had to deal with all season.

And we still won. Fancy that.

What game?

Yeah, I didn't quite catch the game. I was too busy staring into a toilet, puking my innards out while sipping soda to avoid the dry heaves (which came later anyway). Good times!

But yeah, today was the big parade downtown. Madness I tell you. There were probably 200,000 people lining the streets of Pittsburgh, watching everyone go by. I've honestly never seen anything like it, the whole city pretty much just shut down.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Merry Candlemas

Candlemas has to be one of the weirdest holy days in my religion (Roman Catholic). I've always been fascinated by it, and the ritual that goes along with it -- the blessing of the throats.

Since Candlemas was Friday, the priest blessed throats today after mass. All he does is place two candles against your throat and says a small prayer. The belief is that this will ward off any illnesses throughout the year, and the ritual is done in honor of St. Blaise, who was beaten, attacked with iron carding combs, and beheaded for his beliefs. (Do you know how much it would hurt to be beaten with an iron carding comb? Those are the bristled instruments used to brush/wash raw fibers such as llama fur. Ouch.)

There's another part of Candlemas that closely resembles Groundhog's Day. "If Candlemas be sunny and bright, Winter again will show its might. If Candlemas be dark and grey, Winter will soon fade away."

Also, Candlemas is the day that all the candles in the church are blessed. (Said candles must be beeswax.)

There -- you've got your lesson in religion for the day. Enjoy.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Oh the places I've been...

After completing several quests in Guild Wars, I'm beginning to see just how big the world is. Massive comes to mind. And I love the variety of the different areas as well, from the snow capped mountains of Wizard's Folly to the organic countryside of Lakeside County. And the dank, dark, creepy atmosphere of the catacombs. It's all very detailed, and great to look at. As far as RPG games go, the graphics are high end. (Still sub-par to graphics in such games in Half-Life 2 and Doom 3 however. But, I realize that for a game of this scale to have graphics THAT detailed, it would take about 100 Skynets to render them.)

In other news, I was out of cereal today and needed to get another box, so it was off to the grocery store. I was having a craving for Cookie Crisp, and as I entered the cereal aisle I found there was but ONE box left. As I'm standing there about to pick it up, I can hear this little warthog of a child coming down the aisle with his mother, screaming how much he wants Cookie Crisp. The mother was prolly wondering why I had such an evil smile on my face as I walked past her carrying the last box. I'm sure it all made sense after she saw the empty shelf, though.

Friday, February 03, 2006


This is bad. REALLY bad. I started playing Guild Wars, and I think I'm going to be an addict. Two hours just VANISHED. Gone! Ever since I got my customized Elemental staff (hehe), I've been hooked. It's just so much fun!

My character's name is Chiitsu Bane (yes I made it up), and he's an Elementalist. My second profession is Ranger. I've got a few magical staffs, and a couple of bows. I forgot how much I hate STARTING an RPG. You're all weak and have nothing, and it sucks. However, it makes it all the more great when you start beinga bad ass. Oh yes. Bad ass!

Well, I'm off to play for another God knows how long. This is bad..........really bad.........

And what's is even WORSE, is that the game is really neat in that you can MINIMIZE it at ANY TIME to go back to windows. Yes, there is a minimize button at the top right corner. Do you know what this means? I'll never close the game! I'll just leave the damn thing open all the time. Got an IM? Sure, I'll answer it as soon as I kill this huge scorpion with my staff of smite-ness....

Level up, anyone?

Thursday, February 02, 2006


My TV puked, the poor thing. That's not particularly the main purpose of this post, however it is related albeit still useless information. On my way home from work today, Flagpole Sittah by Harvey Danger came on the radio, and I realized I can now relate to that song in a whole new way now that my TV is busted.

Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding. The cretins cloning and feeding. And I don't even own a TV.

See? It was written for me!


Holy smokes.  The last post I wrote for this blog was on October 18, 2017.  Through the little more than  two years since, this blog has be...