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Showing posts from January, 2006

RAWR!

FUCK EVERYTHING!

Dr. Phil's Personality Test

I never really see what the big deal of these kinds of test are, but it seems that people are always interested in my score. So, I figured I'd post the whole thing. It should be noted that I couldn't answer #3 in a totally honest manner, because my answer wasn't there. If I'm sitting down while talking to someone (if I'm not explaining something, just having a conversation), I usually sit with one arm behind my head. If I'm standing, I have my thumbs hanging off my pants pockets, or I'm leaning on something.PD's Score: 51Take the test yourself and see what your score will be. You'll need to keep track of your answers, so a pad and pen will be handy.1. When do you feel your best?a) in the morningb) During the afternoon & and early evening!c) late at night2. You usually walk...a) fairly fast, with long stepsb) fairly fast, with little stepsc) less fast head up, looking the world in the faced) less fast, head downe) very slowly3. When talking to pe…

I'm adopted

I've long suspected that very fact. This is just another shred of proof.

First, let me get my first ordeal of yesterday evening out of the way: It had been snowing for two days straight, and the roads sucked. On the way to the nursing home, we ended up in a ditch. I got out, and some guy stopped, and we pushed the car out of the ditch.

Anyway, after this happened and we got to the nursing home, my mother proceeds to tell me about her little experience at the gas station. First, allow me to explain that my mother is insane. No doubt about it. She will NOT pump her own gas. She refuses. She ALWAYS goes to the Full Service pumps. (Which I'm amazed still EXIST.)

She tells me that yesterday she stopped to get gas, and no one would come out to pump her gas. So, she CALLED them from her cell phone, and goes, "Is anyone going to come out and pump my gas?"

And I'm like, "And you can still show you face around in public?"

Define "no"

Since I had the day off today, and didn't really plan on going anywhere, my mother took my car to my brother's shop for it's oil change/tune-up/3000 mile check etc. (For those of you who don't know, my brother is a mechanic and owns his own auto repair shop.)

When my mother got home evening, she declares, "You had NO brakes on that car!"

To which I reply, quite innocently, "But I was stopping..."

She found this quite humorous, which would confuse me if I wasn't dealing with my mother. She, of course, expects me to understand that she means the brakes were quite worse for wear than what is deemed safe. I know she means this of course, but I make no effort to make it known that I know she's simply EXAGGERATING, since I know the greatest way to defeat an exaggerator is to defeat their exaggerations with logic. Works everytime.


PD's 25 Favorite Quotes

These are in no particular order -- just some of my all time favorite ones. Enjoy!

PaStatDude (7:48:49 PM):the key to safe sex is in the palm of your hand
VAmusclemn (7:49:17 PM):how true how true
VAmusclemn (7:49:24 PM):but what do you do if you have no hands
PaStatDude (7:49:33 PM):pray you can self suck
VAmusclemn (7:50:16 PM):jesus pdRippled Edge (10:07:19 PM):yes, my cock will reach spirituality as a flying butterfly
PaStatDude (10:07:39 PM):it sure as hell isn't going to see any moist darkness
Rippled Edge (10:08:00 PM):indeed... it wll prolly get eaten by a spider. =(PaStatDude (10:28:43 PM):more time for sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
PaStatDude (10:28:49 PM):or in your case, fantasies, skittles, and new wave.
Rippled Edge (10:29:05 PM):-_- sighPaStatDude (7:25:11 PM):i want to get her to the point where i can stand outside and watch her look at the door everytime someone comes in seeing if it's me
Rippled Edge (7:25:22 PM):LMFAOPaStatDude (1:28:07 AM):just don't start goi…

Fun with CSS

But is it art?

In order to appreciate the art of filmmaking as a whole, I firmly believe in watching movies from every genre, no matter how much pain I end up subjecting myself to. Thus, when a movie comes out that is labeled "groundbreaking", "a new genre", "a new classic", etc, etc, insert your propaganda here, I always make the effort to watch it. Sometimes I'm awarded with a great movie watching experience. Other times I find myself over my head in filmmaking cow dung, as was the case tonight.

Groundbreaking Movie #1 on my list tonight was Brokeback Mountain. Yeah, yeah, I know -- it's a movie about two gays. No shit. Still, given all the good reviews, and all the awards it has won, and the fact that it's supposed to be "groundbreaking", I watched it. Personally, I saw nothing special, unless you consider the story focusing around two gay men, which is something new to Hollywood. The main thing I got out of the story was that you should …

Stop Signs

Every so often, in a world full of utter assholes, there exists people who are actually cool. They are scarce, timid, and hard to find, but they are out there. Take today for example.

I stopped at Best Buy after work to pick up my DVDs (they were on sale). After that, I needed to stop over at Boscov's and see if they had any shirts I liked (sale there too). I'm driving around the parking lot, and am about to make a left turn into the Boscov's main parking lot. Approaching the opposite stop sign of where I was about to turn was a red Cobalt. I was nearly in front of this car when I noticed he was going REALLY fast, and it didn't look like he was going to stop. Suddenly, he realized what was about to happen, and he slams on the brakes, stopping halfway out onto the road. I'm chuckling to myself as I make the turn, mostly because the look of panic that he had on his face for a few moments was priceless. And I didn't bother stopping or waving or anything, …

I love Excel...

=IF(F2="PA",((11-B2)*O2),"-")

Sometimes I even amaze myself. If you know what that does, I'll consider you my equal.

Lesson learned

Don't buy anyone a cell phone for Christmas. Trust me on this, it's really not worth it. At least not 50% of the time.

On my cell phone plan, I have the option of adding up to 5 lines for $9.99 a month each. My parents were already on my old plan, so I already knew that I would be getting them two new phones for Christmas when I redid my plan. Since I knew that my sister and brother-in-law didn't have cell phones, and that it would probably for them to have them. So I asked my sister before Christmas if she would like me to buy her and Brandon (my brother-in-law) a cell phone, and add them to my plan so they wouldn't have to pay full price for an account of their own. She was quite excited by the prospect, and explained that she never really got a cell phone because she didn't want to go through the whole setting up of an account and etc, so this was perfect. So now I'm excited, because for a change I actually thought up a good gift idea. I told her th…

More fun at the supermarket...

I needed a total of 3 things -- ziploc bags, cereal, and some pringles. I get to the checkouts and look around, and my best bet was the self-checkout that had only one woman at it. And she only had 3 items.

Unfortunately, she was a n00b, and really didn't know what she was doing. But finally, she got her shit scanned, swiped her debit card, etc, etc. Before she left, she turns to me and says, "Sorry I took so long..."

To which I replied: "Oh that's okay. Now I know your PIN."


Funniest double-take EVER!

Retirement Party

So tonight was my Dad's retirement party. This is probably the first time all of my Dad's close friends have been all together since my graduation party in 1999.

My Dad obviously had some idea that a party was being planned, because when he walked in and everyone said "Surprise!", he thanked everyone for coming and then said, "Now, I've prepared a speech for tonight.", and proceeded to pull a roll of toilet paper out of his coat pocket and began unrolling it, reading as he went along, "Thanks.............and good night."

Now, since this party was chock full of beer drinking, sports loving older people, I knew that eventually I was going to get stuck in a sports related conversation before the evening was over. It was inevitable. Sure enough, halfway through the night, someone comes over and says, "You know, that shirt you're wearing is awfully close to being the Cleveland Browns color." (Yes, I did that on purpose to fuck wit…

Reading

People use different means by which they mark their place in a book they're reading. Some use a bookmark. Others fold the corner of the page over. Still others just turn the book upside down on the place where they left off. Me? I just look at the page number. It seems that everyone I tell this looks at me like I'm crazy. Is it really weird to remember the page number of the book you're reading? Does no one else do this?

If it's been a few MONTHS since I've read the book, I probably won't remember the page number then, but if it's the first time anyone has read the book, it's quite easy to find out where you left off -- the binding of the book will be a bit weaker on the pages that you have read, so you just let the book open itself and it will be close to where you left off.

Helpful tips

Someone who is a professional bartender must ensure that they mix drinks as they are meant to be mixed, as close as possible to the original recipe so that a vast majority of people who order said drink will be happy with their beverage. That is, if they want to keep their job for long.

On the other hand, a person bartending at their own party ensures quite the opposite. For those of you who may not be sure exactly HOW you should be mixing your drinks at your own party (that is, if you bartend at your own parties), allow me to share my general rule of thumb:

After handing the drink to the person, if, after taking a sip, they don't shake uncontrollably, turn to me, and yell, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" or "YOU BASTARD!", then I DIDN'T MAKE IT CORRECTLY.


Who's racist?

It's not really a subject to joke about, but who says I'm politically correct? Racism is a touchy subject to discuss, but I'm more or less poking fun at the whiners who have nothing better to do than complain they're being discriminated against. I have nothing against people who actually DO have to deal with this sort of thing for real.

I'm a white male, so of course all the "whiners" in every minority group blames me for discrimination and racial slurs. It's only natural, since I'm in the so-called "majority". What about discrimination against ME?

Homosexuals call me a breeder.
Blacks call me a cracker.
Europeans call me an American. (I guess they think that's an insult. I'll bet they're mostly French. French IS an insult!)
Canadians call me a redneck. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
Asians call me hottie. (I wish)

I'm generalizing of course, but the point I'm trying to make is that people need to…

Longest..........24 minutes..........EVER

Image
So I got my exercise room all set up today. After work, I went and bought a nice 13" TV/DVD combo for around $100. Not a bad deal, and it's a Magnavox. Brought it home, dropped it twice on the way in (stupid handles), and set it up. Works great. Then, I burned the anime I planned on watching, and tested it. Amazingly enough, that also worked, and the quality is brilliant. (I'm thoroughly convinced the ONLY reason why it worked was because I was going to use them for something that was going to bring me pain. AKA exercise.) Finally, I carried the exercise machine downstairs into the new exercise room. (I was VERY tempted to consider carrying that fucking thing as tonight's workout, but I didn't.)

How long is 24 minutes? It's really not much. Sitting at my desk, I can watch an episode of anime before I even realize I'm watching anime. Doing it while exercising is a totally different story, let me tell you. A prime example of relativity. By the t…

Resolution time...

I'm not one who is really big on making New Year's resolutions -- it's just not something I see as necessary, and it's kind of dumb in my opinion. (If you can't resolve to do something any other time of the year, why do you think you're going to be able to do it in January?)

Nevertheless, I'm going to make one this year. I'm kind of going to be killing two resolutions with one stone here, given what exactly I'm planning. First, I will explain the two problems for which the resolution will be.....resolving.

First -- I work in an office. I sit on my ass all day long, so that really isn't going to be a big help to my physical well-being when I reach the age where my body decides it's time to store fat faster than a hibernating grizzly bear. Therefore, I should really consider some sort of exercise routine before I balloon to 300 pounds and am forced to get a work-from-home job since I will no longer be able to fit through my doorways.

Secon…