Sunday, February 27, 2011

Painkiller: Redemption

Several years ago, I played (and subsequently blogged about) a first-person shooter called Painkiller.  This game was one of the first games of its kind — a hybrid shooter that combined arcade-style elements with the realistic physics of a PC game.  I affectionately remember the Stake Gun.  Ahhh, I spent many an hour impaling demons onto just about every hard surface you could think of.  Concrete, wood, dirt, stone, and even other demons. 

That was circa 2004. 

I knew that a sequel was made.  Actually, it was more of an expansion pack to be honest, and it was called Painkiller: Battle out of Hell.  That game was soooo bad that I just basically ignored the series from that point forward.  Painkiller: Overdose and Painkiller: Resurrection followed, and I never played either of those games. 

Well, it just so happens that tonight I was in the mood for a mindless shooter, and Painkiller: Redemption was on Steam for $4.95.  Even if it was utter crap, I couldn't beat that price.  And this add-on is NEW.  It was just released on February 25th, 2011, and it's only $4.95.  Yeah, I knew what I was buying, and what I was getting myself into.  But I didn't care! 

Ok, for starters, I should provide some back story.  This will be really simple.  A guy named Daniel dies and goes to Purgatory.  He then becomes a bit of a hitman for God in order to cleanse his soul so he can be re-united with his dead girlfriend in heaven.  That's pretty much all you need to know in order to understand the plot of all these games.  Really. 

So you may be asking yourself, “Why has this series lasted so long?”

That's actually a simple answer.  Basically, this game has perfected the art of “LET'S THROW 10,000 ENEMIES AT THE PLAYER AT ONCE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A BADASS AS HE WIPES THEM ALL OUT!”. 

It works.  You do feel like a badass and the game does get you pumped up.  It's very fast paced, and it's a hell of a lot of fun. 

When I first started the game up, I found myself playing this demonic-like character with very long fingernails, holding a strange cube that looked very much like the Lament Configuration.  I could use this to either “Primary Fire: Spinning Blades to chop enemies to pieces”, or “Alternate Fire: Throw the box and punch the shit out of enemies”. 

I went through THREE LEVELS of this, and was started to get INCREDIBLY bored and wondered when the hell I was going to get a real weapon.  Suddenly, though, I realized that I had been picking up different kinds of ammo for quite some time now.  Finally, just out of curiosity, I pressed Number 2.  And I switched to a shotgun.  Wat. 

Yeah.  So, apparently I had all the weapons in the game from the get-go, and just needed to pick up the ammo for them to begin using them. 


Moving on.  So now that I knew I had weapons, I started using them.  A shotgun, with an alt-fire that slows down enemies.  A machine gun with a rocket launcher alt-fire.  A cross-bow with a AoE exploding arrows alt-fire.  A severed demon head that shoots a laser beam out of its mouth.  Wait, wat? 

In any case, I keep dying on the third level because I suck.  It's wave after wave after wave of baddies, and I just keep getting my ass handed to me, so I am thus taking a little break from the game right now. 

But it's good mindless fun.  Nothing that I would rate above a 6 or 7 out of 10, but it's just what I needed tonight, and I'm enjoying it.  That's all that really matters. 

Redemption 2011-02-27 18-33-35-87

Redemption 2011-02-27 18-36-55-47

Redemption 2011-02-27 18-37-01-76

Now playing: Awolnation - Sail

Thursday, February 24, 2011


So there's a new Foo Fighters album coming out.  I heard the first single, "Rope" on XM Radio yesterday morning on my drive to work, and I was impressed.  It sounded great.  I wouldn't say that I've always been a huge fan of them, but I've always like their music.  I consider them a "staple band", meaning that any fan of music should listen to at least one of their songs.

Now if Incubus would just get off their asses and release a new album this year, 2011 will turn out to be one orgasmatic year for entertainment.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The word of the day is...


I'm 20 minutes into Bulletstorm, and I've heard more swear words than a Quentin Tarantino movie.  But the fact that it's Steven Blum uttering the expletives makes it all worth it.  I love that man's voice. 

In any case, it's quite apparent why this game was banned in Germany.  I look forward to getting some good play time into it, though that may need to wait until Thursday, unfortunately.  I'll be sure to tell you all about it, though. 

Now playing: Thirteen Senses - Into The Fire

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Give Me That Old RPG Feelin'...

Over the last two days or so, I've been having a hankering for a good 'ol sprawling single-player RPG.  This bothers me, because I know it's only going to be about another month before I have one, and another month after that before I have another one, and possibly a third will be thrown in there sometime in between.

So, it's one of those cases where I really want to dig into an RPG, but I don't want to waste my money on some piece of crap just to tide me over for the good ones that I know are coming soon.

Therefore, my options are to either suppress the urge until March, or re-play one of the games I already have.  Upon thinking about this, I've decided to try a little of both.  I'm going to try to not think about playing an RPG as much as I can, relying on WoW and, most importantly, John to keep me distracted.  Then, in the time that's left, I'm going to replay some of Dragon Age.  

Friday, February 11, 2011

A Handy Guide to MMO Players

The "GENERIC NEW GAME is a WoWKiller" Gamer
This person hates that they play WoW, but they are so addicted to it that they desperately hope and pray something will end WoW so their soul will finally be released from its prison.

The "GENERIC NEW GAME Sucks Even Though I Haven't Played It" Gamer
This person hates any kind of change, and wants WoW to last forever because they will not be able to handle playing a new game.  Additionally, this person could also not be a person at all, but instead could be a sheep that is only capable of regurgitating snippets of text that their inferior brain can read and understand on other websites.

The "WoW Sucks and You're Bad For Playing It" Gamer
Closet WoW player.  Similar to a closet homosexual, only meaner and less fabulous.

The "Is GENERIC NEW GAME Any Good and/or Better than WoW" Gamer
This person wants to be where "the cool kids are".  If they really wanted to know if a game is any good, they would look up the information for themselves.  Instead, they ask in a forum to see what the majority of people say about it, so they know if it's "cool to play".  These people cannot think or make social decisions for themselves.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011


When I loaded up Dead Space 2 for the first time, I was a bit disappointed and slightly annoyed that the mapping for mouse buttons was hard-coded.  Meaning, I could not change the mapping for my right and mouse buttons (which I really didn't care about), nor could I map my middle or thumb buttons to be ANYTHING at all (which I really DID care about).

Any time I play a shooter, I typically map the middle mouse button to be reload, and the thumb buttons I use for "most commonly uncommon actions".  In the case of DS2, I would have mapped "Force Grip" and "Stasis".  (So basically, I wanted to remap F and C to be the buttons on my mouse.)

DS2 currently doesn't allow this.  I simply sighed and moved on.

The other day, I was reading an article about a person with cerebral palsy who started an online petition to get button mapping patched into DS2.  His reasoning is that he flat out cannot play the game at all without being able to map mouse buttons because of his disability.  It was something I'd never thought of, and I signed his petition.

Today, I read another article that the makers of the game got the petition, and then released a press statement, saying they would be working on a patch to add the functionality to the game.

That, my friends, is just awesome.  My faith in big-budget game developers has just gone up a small notch.

Monday, February 07, 2011


I should go to bed, but I'm not particularly tired yet.  So instead I'm sitting typing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING into this blog post, which you are now reading.  Therefore, I'm wasting your time.  Go me! 

Uh, let's see.  News.  The Steelers were schooled tonight and lost the Super Bowl.  The government keeps taking my money.  I successfully didn't buy Two Worlds II.  The end of Dead Space 2 was both infuriatingly difficult and awesome at the same time.  And tomorrow is probably going to be one of those days at work. 

That is all.  Sleepy time for me soon now. 

Now playing: Goo Goo Dolls - Naked

Friday, February 04, 2011


I hate it when I sleep in.  I forgot to set my alarm clock last night, and it was 7:35 AM before my Mom calls down and asks me what the hell I'm doing.  (I'm sleeping in, what does it look like I'm doing?)

(No, I didn't say that.  It was more like, "kia;dha;kdkcbhazj;dna;ldkbzjk;vnadn")

In any case, I knew what kind of day I was in for as soon as I lifted my head and looked at the clock.  Any time I'm running late, it seems like the universe decides to put every obstacle it can possible summon in my way.  I'm sure if it could safely create a black hole on this planet, it would put that in my way too.

I was also fucking tired.  This was exacerbated by the fact that I was waking up without the normal 30 minutes of snooze alarms.  (It helps, trust me.)  Problem #1 occurred when I started putting my shoes on before I realized I was still naked.  Oops.  


Holy smokes.  The last post I wrote for this blog was on October 18, 2017.  Through the little more than  two years since, this blog has be...