Retirement Party

So tonight was my Dad's retirement party. This is probably the first time all of my Dad's close friends have been all together since my graduation party in 1999.

My Dad obviously had some idea that a party was being planned, because when he walked in and everyone said "Surprise!", he thanked everyone for coming and then said, "Now, I've prepared a speech for tonight.", and proceeded to pull a roll of toilet paper out of his coat pocket and began unrolling it, reading as he went along, "Thanks.............and good night."

Now, since this party was chock full of beer drinking, sports loving older people, I knew that eventually I was going to get stuck in a sports related conversation before the evening was over. It was inevitable. Sure enough, halfway through the night, someone comes over and says, "You know, that shirt you're wearing is awfully close to being the Cleveland Browns color." (Yes, I did that on purpose to fuck with their minds. My Dad is a Browns fan, in the middle of Steeler country. It's good stuff.) So I said, "True, but I prefer the Steelers." He then asked me who was going to win the game this weekend. It was time to talk out of my ass, which I've become quite good at.

I said, "Well, we've been pretty flat in the first halves lately. What we need to do is put the pressure on in the first quarter and get some sacks. That'll rattle them up a bit, and then we'll have a smooth ride when we start the second half, where we're always strong."

Yep, I know what I'm talking about. Sure.

Then it was time for the toast (shots of Crown Royal all around). We didn't sing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow", but we came damn near.

I had buffalo chicken strips for dinner (with a side of mozarella sticks). When my strips arrived, I had about a third of my pepsi left. After one bite of those mother fuckers, I thought I was going to die. Holy SHIT were they hot! My mouth was on fire, my esophagus felt like a hole had been burned through it, and I chugged down the last bits of my drink instantly. I waited and waited for the waitress to come over, and she finally did and I ordered another drink. It seemed like HOURS until she finally brought it. She goes, "Sorry, here ya go hon." So I jokingly reply, "Oh sure, you make the guy with the BUFFALO STRIPS wait for his beverage. My lips are melting!" She got a good laugh out of that one.


All in all it was a fun night. My Dad enjoyed himself immensely. Actually, he's still enjoying himself immensely, given that he's not home yet. LOL! My brother is the DD.