Horrors!

For those that know me well, you know that it's not often that I'm left utterly speechless. So when it happens, it's always a story worth telling.

First, some backstory. There's a particular employee that works in my office, who we shall simple refer to as Wookie. I have other names, such as Chewbacca, Sasquatch, Cousin It, Nairwolf, and many others. But we'll just pick Wookie for this story.

Anyway, the Wookie is a piece of work. As you can probably guess by the nicknames, she's got more hair on her body than a French woman's armpits. She can grow a better beard than I can, probably has more leg hair that I do, and as for the other regions...I'm guessing if anyone would want to tap that, they'd have to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

All these disgusting traits aside, however, she does provide the office with some much needed entertainment -- because she also has absolutely no idea how to socialize with other human beings. We're talking zero social skills here, people. So of course, when she accidentally runs into the door of the office and then says "Oops, sorry." to it, I can't help but laugh.

The comedy is so golden that this particular co-worker was the subject of issues 3 and 4 of my Uncorporate America comic strip. (You can find the strips here.)

Okay, with the backstory out of the way I can get to the issue at hand. Today, we had a meeting with the big guy, who was announcing several changes coming about in our office. Several people were promoted, including myself, and a bit of restructuring is taking place. Typical office stuff. I'm now the Rate Builder Team Lead, in addition to my Supervisor of Calculable Contracts position. I'm also inheriting the Account Implementation business. Yay for me.

After these announcements, the big guy then explained how anyone interested in any of the new positions should make it known to their managers, and further emphasized that he already had his eye on a few people to eventually assume different roles in the company. He then looked over at the Wookie, saying "And I know for a fact that with your skill set, Steve has you on his list. Right, Steve?"

Speechless. Utterly speechless. I think I may have tried to respond to that, and it must have somehow resembled a "Okay", because he then moved on to the next subject, leaving me standing there with this voice in my head screaming "What the fuck just happened?!"

And of course the Wookie was all happy and excited and bouncing up and down in her seat upon hearing that. It's time for me to take the boss out for a drink and a "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!" conversation. He must be getting even with me for cracking jokes at how he threw his back out last week.


In other news, when FedEx says "2 Day Shipping" they mean "One Week". I got an email from Alienware today stating that they received my PC. It's been 8 days. Suck my pole!