Why you stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking, nerf-herder!

Sorry.  I saw that line in reply to someone whining about TOR being bad on the PCG forums, and I just had to repeat it.  What a brilliant reply.

Also, here is a brilliant snippet of song lyric for you as well:

"There's a party inside my head.  And no one is invited."

Anyway, I'm here today to discuss something completely unrelated to the Star Wars beta.  It's a book, actually!  11/22/63.

This is Stephen King's newest title.  I will admit that I don't read as much as I would like -- the amount of free time I have to do so just isn't there with all the other interests that I have.  (I'm looking at you, gaming.)  But I do it when I can.  This primarily means that I'm reading in bed long after I should be sleeping, but I digress.

I recently purchased the new Amazon Kindle Fire, because as the very first entry in this blog will tell you, deep down I am a trendy son of a bitch.  If someone asks me why I purchased such a device, I will undoubtedly tell them it's because I hold a certain amount of disdain for hardcover books.  When I'm trying to read them in bed, their corners seem to enjoy digging into my nipples, or do other equally unappealing things to my body.  The Kindle is a sleek, thin little device that is quite pleasant to hold upright as I lay in bed enjoying a good yarn.

The real reason, though, is that naturally it's new and shiny and I wanted one.

In any case, the Kindle arrived at my door on Wednesday, which was perfect because it gave the two of us a long 4-day weekend to get acquainted.  The first thing I did was purchase 11/22/63, which I had wanted to get as soon as it came out a couple of weeks ago.  (But I didn't, because of the whole I-hate-hardcover-books thing.)  I started reading the book (which seems strange to say now, since I don't actually have a BOOK) that night, and have been whittling away at the chapters each night since.

I have a love-hate relationship with Stephen King.  I love reading his books, and I hate the fact that when I'm reading a book not written by him I find myself missing his distinct style of writing.  I honestly can't explain this.  The man simply writes in exactly the way I like to read words.  That's the best I can do.  There's this certain sardonic sense of humor he has that really appeals to my cynical nature.  When I'm not reading a Stephen King book, I'm wishing that I -was- reading one.  It's both good (because it means that I will probably enjoy any one of his books), and bad (because there are countless other brilliant authors out there that I should be reading).

To go off on a weird tangent here for a moment:  I have a new philosophy in regards to what it takes to make a good story.  You have to make your reader believe that the events happening in your story are the most important things in existence at that point in time.  While I'm reading this book, I know damn well that Roland is out there questing for the Dark Tower so that he can save the universe.  I know that IT is not really dead, and only sleeping, and will awaken again in 28 or so odd years.  I know there are many other things happening in Stephen King's fictional universe, a lot of which are more important than a guy going back in time to save one man's family.  But Stephen King writes his stories in such a way that you forget all of that and you are solely focused on -this- story, because he writes it in such a way that you're so drawn into it, that it becomes the most important thing at that point in time.  That's what makes a good story.

And now I've successfully derailed myself.  What was I talking about?  Oh yes.  So the book is really good.  I'm pretty far into it, and we haven't even started on the whole 11/22/63 thing yet.  The main character is going back and changing something smaller first, because he wants to see what the "butterfly effect" of it is going to be.

So far, my favorite (I use the term loosely) portion of the book was how descriptive he was regarding how this guy used a sledgehammer to murder his oldest son.  I can't honestly say I've ever imagined that a hammer could split someone's head down the middle all the way to their jaw.  Thanks for that, Stephen King!  I'm so glad that after all these years, you're still capable of giving me nightmares.

I hope the rest of this book is as enjoyable as what I've read so far.  I have this fear that I won't find the remainder as interesting, because so far the main character has been spending his time in the past within the town of Derry, Maine.  I love Derry, because there's something wrong with Derry.  "Something wrong.  Something bad." as Stephen King puts it in the book.  Derry has been the setting for other stories -- most notably IT.  The town is evil in and of itself, and going back to Derry has been utterly fascinating for someone like me, who has read the other novels taking place there.  There's this eerie familiarity that creates tension and keeps me enthralled.  I hope when we move on to Dallas to stop Oswald, the book keeps me interested.  We'll see!  

Ok, I think I'm done!

With Skyrim, that is.

There are a couple of things that led me to this conclusion.  I'm sure I'll put in a lot more time, an hour here and there, but I think the evenings consumed by this game are finally at an end.  (Seriously, I was doing nothing but playing this game for every scrap of free time I had.)

That being said, I am prepared to share with you my final thoughts on the game.  While eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, no less!

Skyrim is still in the same position on my top games list as it was the last time I announced where it stood -- a solid third, beaten by only Half-Life 2 (at #1) and Fallout 3/New Vegas (at #2).  I'm actually in the mood to explain exactly why that is.

First, here's what Half-Life 2 does better:

Story.  Skyrim has an amazing story, and amazing -side- stories.  It's got more lore and more content than Half-Life 2 by far.  But one of the problems I have with Skyrim's stories is that a lot of the times, you do not see the consequences or benefits of your decisions.  Half-Life 2 may be quite linear by today's standards, but the story -moved-.  You felt a sense of urgency.  That's something Skyrim lacked.  Yeah, you saw dragons around.  Ok.  Buuuut...where was the world ending danger?  You knew it was there only because people say, "If you don't do something, the world will end!"  It's one of the balancing acts that you have to walk when you make an expansive, open-world environment.  It's not really Skyrim's fault.  But I have to make that assessment because of how freaking good  Half-Life's story is.

Characters.  Alyx.  Dr. Breen.  Dr. Kleiner.  Dr. Vance.  Barney.  G-Man.  All of these character have these very unique personalities.  They are their own people.  Skyrim really doesn't have any strong secondary characters like this.  The closest I can think of would be the Jarl of Whiterun, or Delphine.  But still...they don't feel -completely- unique, or fully fleshed-out.  Not like the characters of the HL universe.  I -cried- when Eli died at the end of Episode 2, it was able to evoke that strong of an emotion out of me.  There were no moments like that in Skyrim.

As for Fallout, this was a bit harder to determine.  A lot harder, actually, to the point where I had to really think about it.  It was a photo-finish right up to the end, man!  But in the end, I chose Fallout as my #2 for the following reasons:

Setting.  I will not argue with anyone regarding the beauty of Skyrim.  It is probably one of the most beautiful game worlds I've ever seen.  But Fallout is more -my- kind of setting, and therefore it will win every time.  When John looks at Skyrim and sees a snowy hillside, it cries out to him for exploration.  I'm sure that's true for a lot of people.  But for me, nothing says "Explore me!" like an office building after a nuclear holocaust.  I think one of the main reasons for this is because when I scavenge through that office building, I'm finding remnants of a world that I live in, but somehow different in ways that were unexpected.  Bottlecaps...that are -money-.  Batteries...that power my -weapons-.  Money...that is absolutely useless.  You get the idea.  Exploration in Skyrim is also incredibly enjoyable and rewarding, don't get me wrong about that.  But Fallout's appeals to -me- to a greater degree.  Also, the idea of exploring a world that was once inhabited, and then destroyed, just fascinates the crap out of me.  When I was in school, I loved learning about Pompeii for that very reason.

Combat.  There's not much to say about this.  Skyrim's combat is brilliant, but I will choose guns with the VATS system over anything else, ever.  Besides, you know me -- I'm a gunslinger.  Skyrim doesn't have pistols.  /sadface.

All of that may seem like a hell of a lot of complaining, but in reality it's not. Consider that I'm directly comparing this game to two of what I would consider the greatest games ever.  I'd say it fared quite well, and besides, I'm not done talking yet.

First, allow me to explain the title of this post.  That is, why I feel I'm now (mostly) finished with the game.  The first is that I've done just about all of the -major- story lines.  All that's left are the simple ones -- find a book, kill something, deliver something, etc.  I've done all the really interesting ones.  Next, I'm running into situations where I cannot proceed on some side quests because I've already done other things in the game.  For example, I was sent to retrieve a certain item from a certain cave somewhere out in a certain bit of nowhere.  Well, I was to turn in this item to a certain Jarl in a certain city -- but the Jarl is no longer in his palace, but in a common house.  Which is locked.   I was undaunted, so I sneakily picked the lock and went inside.  Unfortunately, he's not happy with me due to my decisions during the "Reunification of Skyrim" questline, and therefore I cannot turn in the item or complete the quest.  This may not seem like a big deal, but I am a completionist, so this is incredibly frustrating for me.

The final thing was my house in Windhelm.  I thought I took a screenshot of it, but I don't see it in my folder.  In any case, it's not hard to explain.  Basically, I did a quest in Windhelm that involved a serial killer.  He was hiding out in an abandoned house.  When I bought my house there, -that's- the one they gave me.  Complete with blood stains all over the floors, skulls in the closets, and butchered flesh in a hidden room.  I spent nearly 20,000 gold on the house and all the furnishings, and yet I have all this -mess-.  Really?  The part that annoyed me the most was that I probably would have liked that house the most out of all the ones in the game, because it has a cool armory where you can store your cool weapons in display cases.  Such a shame.

Crom, that's enough bitching.  You'd think I hated this game or something.  Hardly.  I had so many good experiences, so many surprises, and so many cool things happen that I can't even begin to explain them all.  And besides -- spoilers!

And now, how about another round of screenshots?  I will use them as a medium to reassure you of how awesome this game is.


Why yes, he is a badass.  Thank you for noticing.


Pretty landscape overload.  Commence head exploding.


You can imagine the dragon saying to me, "Careful with that thing!  You'll poke someone's eye out."


Oh, come on.  It's a game with infinite dragons in it.  You can't be surprised that eventually I ended up riding one!


All together now:  "Ooooh, pretty!"


Rejected captions for this image:
"This way to the Dark Portal!"
"The Witch-King would like a word with you."
"Oh no!  Dementors!"
"Suprenday!"

If you get each one of those references, I'll give you a cookie.  (If you get each one of these references -and- you're John, you get something -else-.)


One word about "Team Jacob" and I will maul your face.


I've killed a lot of dragons, but -every- time I am compelled to stand and watch the death animation and the soul absorption.  It just never gets old, and that's true for a lot of the things in this game.  There's a lot of repetition, sure.  But it's presented so well that you really don't care!

And that's the last of the screenshots that I currently have.  Hey, I might post some more later on, especially if Bethesda delivers with the DLC content.  So don't worry about that!

It's the game that never ends.

I knew going into Skyrim that they designed it to last forever -- quests are randomly generated, dragons are randomly generated, etc.  That still doesn't change the fact, however, that eventually -I- will consider myself finished.  I'd either start to see repetition or I would simply get bored.  It doesn't matter how good something is -- eventually, if you play it long enough, you will get bored.  Just look at World of Warcraft.  There's no denying it's a brilliant game.  But it's also 7 years old and people are getting bored with it.  There's nothing you can do to prevent that.  Even re-branding yourself might not help -- Blizzard tried that with Cataclysm and it didn't really do much.  

I'm sort of waiting for that to happen with Skyrim, and it really hasn't yet.  Part of me wishes it would, because I have a house that needs cleaning, a litter box that needs emptying, Christmas shopping that needs doing, books that need reading, Christmas decorations that need decorating, and a myriad of other things that I should be doing right now.

But I digress -- Skyrim is awesome and I can't put it down.  With that being said, let's browse some screenshots, hm?


Everything that you kill has the potentially to provide a "finishing move" cut-scene.  This includes dragon slaying, of course!


Here's my character, looking as awesome as possible.


This shot looks so impressive.  It would make an excellent wallpaper.


Got trapped in an evil altar by an evil daedric prince of darkness.  Same 'ol, same 'ol.



Oh look, it's the wall from the trailer!  I won't reveal any spoilers here about it, but take a look at the intricate design.  It's amazing!  I loved how the torchlight reflected off all the little niches when the NPCs walked along it.  

Yay kittehs

That is all.

I have a blueberry fritter.

And it is delicious.

On a completely different topic, you may have noticed that while I have made quite a number of posts about Skyrim, I haven't actually written a lot of text about the game.  If you compare it to my posts on say, Deus Ex or Dead Space 2, there is considerably less information.  You may take that to mean that I don't like Skyrim as much as I like these other games.  I'm here to tell you that is incorrect.

I haven't even finished Skyrim yet, and I'm already prepared to tell you that it is my third most favorite game of all time, behind Half-Life and Fallout.  (I don't put sequels on those games, because I feel they are just simply games as a whole and should be treated as such.  But if you want me to be more specific, that includes Half-Life 2, Episode 1, Episode 2, Fallout 3, and New Vegas.  That is as specific as I can get.)

The reason I haven't written a lot about Skyrim is because the game is so -huge- that it's actually quite difficult to do so without being confusing.  I could start spouting some of the cool things, but it probably wouldn't make all that much sense out of context.  (Though, last night I killed a dragon by jumping on its head and stabbing it through the top of its snout.  I don't care what context you put that in -- it's badass.)

So unless I did a daily diary of the game (which I don't have the time nor the patience to do for an -entire- play-through), there's really not much more I can do other than provide some screenshots and a blurb or two of information about them.

I had a similar problem with Fallout, which shouldn't surprise anyone since it's basically the same game in a different setting.  The longest and most detailed post I made about Fallout was the final DLC of New Vegas, The Lonesome Road.  The reason I was able to so easily write about that one is because it was linear.  It's ironic, because PC Gamer gave that DLC a tepid 53% review score because of that very fact.  (I think they said something like, "It's linear and doesn't do much.")

Well they're entitled to their opinion, and they speak the truth -- it was linear.  They're also entitled to suck my granolas, because linear <> bad.  To me, Lonesome Road was a lovely ENDING to an epic game.  I have no problem with being given a huge, expansive open world to explore and do anything I want in, and then when I'm finished with it, walk a linear path to a conclusion.  It was a nice send-off for one of the greatest games ever made.

Also, I made you a meme:

John's Skyrim Stories

Well, Steve's doing it so I'm going to do it too. Since the gods of death and diseases have focused their unbridled fury down upon my throat (aka: I'm ill and have nothing to do other than play Skyrim), I thought I'd share my stories from Skyrim. I'm sure me and Steve will enter some kind of "my stories are better than yours" contest... And I shall win it! Har har.

So, let us commence my Skyrim stories..

I found myself in the middle of a snowstorm and damn, it was pretty. On the right there is not me (I'm not that girly), it's my companion Lydia. I got her after doing a quest to save a town, and she was all "let me help you kill things". I didn't want my style cramped, so I left her at home to do nothing except read books about how to improve one-handed weapons. After being eaten by a bear 15 minutes later, I decided her help would be useful.

You know what this screenshot says to me? Explore me, damnit!

This screenshot doesn't say that to me. To me, this screenshot says "OH MY FUCKING GOD SPIDER KILL IT QUICKLY". The spiders in Skyrim are horrible. Then again, I am a wuss.

Hand bone, connected to the axe bone, connected to your... FACE BONE!

I had a really bad feeling about this.

There are alot of "I may be screwed" moments in this game. Getting out of those moments is ridiculously satisfying.

My thought process for this moment was: "Oh god a spiny dragon of death that one-shots me with its jaws, I'll shoot it with arrows while that guard over there- oh." In case you can't see, that flying corpse had just been lobbed out of the Dragon's mouth.

The people who say this game needs a better-looking sky are idiots.

Finally, I leave you with this. Proof that Skyrim doesn't only have width, it has depth. That makes sense in some kind of hypothetical way. Don't care. Is pretty.

Steve told me that he does't like writing posts about Skyrim, because he just ends up playing it rather than finishing his-

Looking the Part

I can't tell you where I got this stuff.  Spoilers.