I was at the supermarket this morning -- Nestea was on sale and I needed cat litter plus something for dinner. I was with my Mom, and we finished getting everything and checked out. (We ended up with a much more soda than we anticipated, because the sale included a free 8-pack of 12 oz. bottles as well. Gotta love Giant Eagle.)
As I was pushing the shopping cart to our car, someone parked right beside us at that moment. So, I had to go around a few cars to the empty spot behind us so I could access the trunk. It was then I realized that the person who had parked beside us was a very old woman, and at that point I knew we were in for an experience.
I finished loading everything into the trunk of our car and returned the shopping cart to the drop off area. When I got back, I saw the old woman was just starting to get out of her car. Leaving her front door wide open (meaning that my Mom couldn't get in the car because the woman's car door was in the way), the woman went over and got a shopping cart and brought it back to her car. Then, she opened up her BACK door (she now had both of her doors wide open at this point), and began putting a few black garbage bags in the cart, filled with what I would assume were aluminum cans or some other recyclable objects. It was at this point that the old woman turned around and noticed my Mom patiently waiting for her to get out of the way. She said:
"Oh dear, why didn't you just say 'beep beep!' and tell me to get out of the way?"
It took everything I had not to bust out laughing right there in the parking lot.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Friday, November 11, 2005
My bowl runeth over...
Yesterday was a weird night. I was exceptionally tired for some reason, and as a result wandered through the house in a seemingly drug-induced daze. An event that happened right before I took a shower makes me think this was brought about in a divine nature, to prevent a tragedy from occuring. (Okay, not really, but hey it's cool to speculate like a deranged TV Evangelist sometimes.)
I went upstairs to take a shower, and realized that I also had to take a dump. Nothing unusual about that. This dump was an exceptionally masterful dump. In fact, had I realized it was going to become part of a blog worthy story, I would have taken pictures to share with you. Alas, at that moment, I didn't realize it was going to be anything more than just an exceptionally masterful dump.
I flushed the toilet and then started the water in the shower (no, we do not have that problem where flushing the toilet causes water temperature issues in the shower). The toilet flushed and the masterful dump disappeared into the oblivion that is the septic tank, but not all the water went down suggesting that there was a small backup. Nothing out of the ordinary there either, since my dumps (especially the exceptionally masterful ones) do tend to occasionally cause backed up toilets. I intended on just letting it go, since a lot of the times the water does eventually just flush on it's own and everything is peachy. This time, however, since I told you I was in a rather dazed state of sleepiness, I just stood there staring at the toilet for some unknown reason. This proved to be quite the lucky turn of events, because the stopper on the inside of the toilet that goes over the hole (where the water pours out of the tank into the bowl) didn't properly place itself over the hole, and thus the water from the water pipe wasn't filling the tank, it was just running into the toilet bowl itself. This, of course, started to cause an overflow of water onto the floor.
Had I immediately jumped into the shower after flushing the toilet, I wouldn't have realized this for another 10 to 15 minutes, and by then the whole bathroom floor could have had a few inches of water on it, and probably run into the basement (MY ROOM!) as well. Therefore, it was quite fortunate that my brain functions were so degraded from lack of sleep, that I stood there staring blankly at it while this happened.
Acting quickly, I grabbed the plunger and removed the blockage, allowing the water to flush normally. I then removed the lid from the tank and fixed the stopper, and all was well.
The best part was the question I got from my Mom when she got home:
"What happened to the toilet?"
"It overflowed."
"Why?"
"I took a dump."
I went upstairs to take a shower, and realized that I also had to take a dump. Nothing unusual about that. This dump was an exceptionally masterful dump. In fact, had I realized it was going to become part of a blog worthy story, I would have taken pictures to share with you. Alas, at that moment, I didn't realize it was going to be anything more than just an exceptionally masterful dump.
I flushed the toilet and then started the water in the shower (no, we do not have that problem where flushing the toilet causes water temperature issues in the shower). The toilet flushed and the masterful dump disappeared into the oblivion that is the septic tank, but not all the water went down suggesting that there was a small backup. Nothing out of the ordinary there either, since my dumps (especially the exceptionally masterful ones) do tend to occasionally cause backed up toilets. I intended on just letting it go, since a lot of the times the water does eventually just flush on it's own and everything is peachy. This time, however, since I told you I was in a rather dazed state of sleepiness, I just stood there staring at the toilet for some unknown reason. This proved to be quite the lucky turn of events, because the stopper on the inside of the toilet that goes over the hole (where the water pours out of the tank into the bowl) didn't properly place itself over the hole, and thus the water from the water pipe wasn't filling the tank, it was just running into the toilet bowl itself. This, of course, started to cause an overflow of water onto the floor.
Had I immediately jumped into the shower after flushing the toilet, I wouldn't have realized this for another 10 to 15 minutes, and by then the whole bathroom floor could have had a few inches of water on it, and probably run into the basement (MY ROOM!) as well. Therefore, it was quite fortunate that my brain functions were so degraded from lack of sleep, that I stood there staring blankly at it while this happened.
Acting quickly, I grabbed the plunger and removed the blockage, allowing the water to flush normally. I then removed the lid from the tank and fixed the stopper, and all was well.
The best part was the question I got from my Mom when she got home:
"What happened to the toilet?"
"It overflowed."
"Why?"
"I took a dump."
Monday, November 07, 2005
It's like being naked in public!
There was a nice violent storm yesterday, which blew over trees and destroyed homes. Worst of all, it took down my internet. Oh the humanity!
I called my cable provider, and listened for seriously 15 minutes as they named all the areas that had an outage. Mine of course was one of them. That was 2:00 PM. As of this morning, when I left for work, I still had no internet. However, I have hope: I just called them a few minutes ago, and my city is no longer on the outage list.
I may not have to commit suicide this evening, afterall.
I called my cable provider, and listened for seriously 15 minutes as they named all the areas that had an outage. Mine of course was one of them. That was 2:00 PM. As of this morning, when I left for work, I still had no internet. However, I have hope: I just called them a few minutes ago, and my city is no longer on the outage list.
I may not have to commit suicide this evening, afterall.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
CSS Pwnage
So what happens when two guys who haven't played a co-op counter-strike match in probably a year load up CSS and try to take on 3 bots? This happens:
We got pwned. But not for long -- after about 20 rounds we got in the groove and started BOOM HEADSHOTTING all over the place. It was good times.
We got pwned. But not for long -- after about 20 rounds we got in the groove and started BOOM HEADSHOTTING all over the place. It was good times. Saturday, November 05, 2005
Friday, November 04, 2005
Finally complete!
After months of waiting patiently for someone to post them, I have finally completed my X-Files DVD collection. That's right, I have now downloaded all 56 FUCKING DVD's, in completion. Woo!
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
This stuff better work...
So it's cold season, and I have a cold. Go figure.
There's a new cold medicine on the market called Zicam, which is supposed to "Reduce the duration of the common cold." and "Reduce severity of cold symptoms."
Everyone I have talked to about it says it works, so I figured, what the hell, I'll try it. Turns out this stuff doesn't come in pill form. Here are the choices:
Chewable squares
Oral mist
Nasal spray
Medicated spoons
Mouth swabs
For the daytime doses, I went with the chewable squares, and I have medicated spoons (you stir them into a drink) for nighttime. The chewable squares taste like shit and chalk mixed together. This crap had better work damn good for the agony I just went through in chewing this mini-turd.
There's a new cold medicine on the market called Zicam, which is supposed to "Reduce the duration of the common cold." and "Reduce severity of cold symptoms."
Everyone I have talked to about it says it works, so I figured, what the hell, I'll try it. Turns out this stuff doesn't come in pill form. Here are the choices:
Chewable squares
Oral mist
Nasal spray
Medicated spoons
Mouth swabs
For the daytime doses, I went with the chewable squares, and I have medicated spoons (you stir them into a drink) for nighttime. The chewable squares taste like shit and chalk mixed together. This crap had better work damn good for the agony I just went through in chewing this mini-turd.
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