Adventures with the Stupid

Common theme it seems. I typed in that title and it's on autocomplete. Golden!

Anyway, I had to stop and get a gallon of milk after the visit to the nursing home this evening. Sadly, the GOOD supermarket in my town closes pretty early in the evening, so I was forced to go to this crappy convenience store over a few streets. I hate this place because it seems to attract all the trash in a 30 mile radius. Tonight was no exception.

I knew I was in for an adventure when it took me 5 minutes to find a jug of milk that didn't expire TOMORROW. Finally, I find an August 11th one, and I make my way to the counter. I should note that my sister was with me here. Now, I get to the counter and there's this little skinny old-ish man buying cigarettes. My sister goes over the magazine rack, and I wait in line. The man starts talking, and it's not coherent. I soon realize that this guy is thoroughly intoxicated. After paying and mumbling something about gas money, he turns from the counter to leave and loses his balance. He wavers around wildling, almost falling into me. He was so small that he wouldn't have even moved me anyway, so I just stood watching him, making no attempt to catch him. I would have derived pleasure in seeing him bounce of me and onto the floor, but alas he somehow managed to stay on his feet.

After some more incoherent mumbling, he starts trying to find the door. (Which is only 2 feet behind him, I might add.) I go up to the counter to pay, and notice the cashier (teenage girl) looks kinda worried. I think she thought this guy was actually going to do something, so I lighten the mood a little bit. "Hey, are my sunglasses okay? I think his breath melted them a bit..." This lightened her up a bit.

I turn to see how my drunken friend is doing, and he's still trying to find the door. A woman comes and opens the door, who I'm guessing is this man's wife or girlfriend. She's holding the door open for him, but is standing IN THE DOORWAY. I then realize she's also smashed. My sister sees that I had finished paying, and comes over from the magazine rack, not knowing what had been going on.

"Why are you stopping?" She asks, and I say to her very loudly:

"These people here are drunk off of their asses!"

The woman gives me this nasty evil look, and I turn and look right at her, saying very slowly so her drunk mind could process it: "Yes, DRUNK OFF YOUR ASSES."

We then walked passed them and to our car. As we pulled out, I noticed the guy was actually driving. He nearly ran over a pedestrian and pulled out in front of a car on his way out of the parking lot. Fool.