Since I had the day off today, and didn't really plan on going anywhere, my mother took my car to my brother's shop for it's oil change/tune-up/3000 mile check etc. (For those of you who don't know, my brother is a mechanic and owns his own auto repair shop.)
When my mother got home evening, she declares, "You had NO brakes on that car!"
To which I reply, quite innocently, "But I was stopping..."
She found this quite humorous, which would confuse me if I wasn't dealing with my mother. She, of course, expects me to understand that she means the brakes were quite worse for wear than what is deemed safe. I know she means this of course, but I make no effort to make it known that I know she's simply EXAGGERATING, since I know the greatest way to defeat an exaggerator is to defeat their exaggerations with logic. Works everytime.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
PD's 25 Favorite Quotes
These are in no particular order -- just some of my all time favorite ones. Enjoy!
VAmusclemn (8:34:52 PM): oops
PaStatDude (7:48:49 PM): the key to safe sex is in the palm of your hand
VAmusclemn (7:49:17 PM): how true how true
VAmusclemn (7:49:24 PM): but what do you do if you have no hands
PaStatDude (7:49:33 PM): pray you can self suck
VAmusclemn (7:50:16 PM): jesus pd
Rippled Edge (10:07:19 PM): yes, my cock will reach spirituality as a flying butterfly
PaStatDude (10:07:39 PM): it sure as hell isn't going to see any moist darkness
Rippled Edge (10:08:00 PM): indeed... it wll prolly get eaten by a spider. =(
PaStatDude (10:28:43 PM): more time for sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
PaStatDude (10:28:49 PM): or in your case, fantasies, skittles, and new wave.
Rippled Edge (10:29:05 PM): -_- sigh
PaStatDude (7:25:11 PM): i want to get her to the point where i can stand outside and watch her look at the door everytime someone comes in seeing if it's me
Rippled Edge (7:25:22 PM): LMFAO
PaStatDude (1:28:07 AM): just don't start going up to ppl announcing you have a boner
Rippled Edge (1:28:24 AM): I HAVE A BONER, LETS PARTY!
VAmusclemn (6:18:05 PM): back
VAmusclemn (6:18:15 PM): i am so tired now
PaStatDude (6:19:28 PM): i could use a nap
VAmusclemn (6:19:44 PM): well gf wanted a little so you know how tired you get afterwards
PaStatDude (6:19:59 PM): o_O
PaStatDude (6:20:06 PM): THAT'S where you went?
VAmusclemn (6:20:10 PM): yeah
VAmusclemn (6:20:29 PM): she started yelling at me and i didn't know why and before i knew it i was on the bed naked
PaStatDude (6:20:41 PM): ROFL
PaStatDude (1:49:00 AM): i hager abnout 5 hotjsodog
Rippled Edge (1:49:07 AM): call jewling
PaStatDude (1:49:15 AM): i tbnienkg tyhe were open yodyas'
Rippled Edge (1:49:31 AM): har ahhhwer tis steveee give me eggwool
PaStatDude (1:49:41 AM): swhe ca n scuk myma egolol
PaStatDude (7:25:07 PM): 533.7 kB/s
Rippled Edge (7:25:13 PM): fuck you
PaStatDude (12:14:21 AM):
Rippled Edge (12:14:25 AM):
PaStatDude (8:34:28 PM): i had an appointment with the optometrist
VAmusclemn (8:34:32 PM): ooo
VAmusclemn (8:34:34 PM): braces
PaStatDude (8:34:44 PM): optometrist is an eyedoctor you foo
VAmusclemn (8:34:52 PM): oops
PaStatDude (8:05:22 PM): he probably wouldn't have been able to figure out how to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
VAmusclemn (8:05:32 PM): lol
PaStatDude (7:08:36 PM): it would be cool if when you blocked someone
PaStatDude (7:08:43 PM): you could put in a message that would be sent to them
PaStatDude (7:08:45 PM): when they try to IM you
Rippled Edge (7:08:54 PM): INDEED!
PaStatDude (7:09:17 PM): "YOU DO NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BMP AND JPG. YOU BLOCKED!"
Rippled Edge (7:09:42 PM): oh geez, don't start on that fuck
Rippled Edge (7:11:02 PM): that movie blew haunted ass
VAmusclemn (8:08:26 PM): i need to buy something
VAmusclemn (8:08:32 PM): but i don't want to spend any money
PaStatDude (8:08:53 PM): then you need to STEAL something
PaStatDude (11:04:44 PM): ripping Reloaded
PaStatDude (11:05:01 PM): and burning something at the same time. i sense a crash.
PaStatDude (11:05:18 PM): might as well start unextracting a RAR archive too
Rippled Edge (11:05:39 PM): lol
Rippled Edge (6:10:51 PM): u have the bt
Rippled Edge (6:10:53 PM): me can't find
PaStatDude (6:11:15 PM): **PD SENDS BLEACH TORRENT**
PaStatDude (6:11:18 PM):
PaStatDude (6:11:20 PM): it was in my recycle bin
Rippled Edge (6:11:32 PM): here's something for you too
Rippled Edge (6:11:41 PM): **
PaStatDude (6:11:48 PM): WHORE
Rippled Edge (6:11:50 PM): lol
PaStatDude (9:36:28 PM): BANNED, PLEASE SEED
Rippled Edge (9:36:31 PM): lol
PaStatDude (8:24:01 PM): -_-
Rippled Edge (8:24:01 PM): -_-
Rippled Edge (8:24:06 PM): exactly
bleed0range (2:29:28 AM): i laughed so hard
PaStatDude (2:29:44 AM): that's what SHE said
bleed0range (12:03:20 AM): well girls didn't trigger that boner
bleed0range (12:03:22 AM): it was one of those
bleed0range (12:03:26 AM): wtf are you so excited about?
bleed0range (12:03:30 AM): type situations
PaStatDude (12:03:33 AM): it was man-triggered!
PaStatDude (12:03:36 AM): LOL
bleed0range (12:03:40 AM): don't you even go there
bleed0range (12:03:42 AM): you sick mother fucker
Stephie says: has it been that long?!
PaStatDude says: yes, it's always been that long
VAmusclemn (5:52:53 PM): i am not that far behind bitch
VAmusclemn (5:53:09 PM): i am asking the gf for a 7800 video card for xmas
PaStatDude (5:53:20 PM): yeah, you just have the Flintstones internet speed
VAmusclemn (5:53:38 PM): your such a douchebag cumswab
Rippled Edge (2:36:41 AM): ma-ma
PaStatDude (2:36:49 AM): *sucking noises*
PaStatDude [4:38 PM]: i put the screenshots i made on the CD too
PaStatDude [4:38 PM]: jpg files
majineric2000 [4:38 PM]: awesome
majineric2000 [4:39 PM]: i got like 5 dicks with the game, i hope i got a good version
majineric2000 [4:39 PM]: discs
majineric2000 [4:39 PM]: opps
PaStatDude [4:39 PM]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
PaStatDude [4:39 PM]: worst typo EVER
majineric2000 [4:40 PM]: that was aweful
PaStatDude [4:40 PM]: OMFG
Opee2k3 (12:44:37 AM): sometimes i dont know why i say the shit i do
Opee2k3 (12:44:44 AM): it just comes back to haunt me on your fuck'n quote page
Saturday, January 21, 2006
But is it art?
In order to appreciate the art of filmmaking as a whole, I firmly believe in watching movies from every genre, no matter how much pain I end up subjecting myself to. Thus, when a movie comes out that is labeled "groundbreaking", "a new genre", "a new classic", etc, etc, insert your propaganda here, I always make the effort to watch it. Sometimes I'm awarded with a great movie watching experience. Other times I find myself over my head in filmmaking cow dung, as was the case tonight.
Groundbreaking Movie #1 on my list tonight was Brokeback Mountain. Yeah, yeah, I know -- it's a movie about two gays. No shit. Still, given all the good reviews, and all the awards it has won, and the fact that it's supposed to be "groundbreaking", I watched it. Personally, I saw nothing special, unless you consider the story focusing around two gay men, which is something new to Hollywood. The main thing I got out of the story was that you should cherish what you have now, because it might not be there tomorrow. Thanks, I already knew that, and that idea has been covered in many, MANY previous movies in the past 75 years of cinema. I give the movie a half star.
Groundbreaking Movie #2 that I watched tonight, against my better judgement mind you, was Slaughtered Vomit Dolls. Let me get this out of the way right now -- this movie is the biggest piece of crap ever made. It's not scary. It didn't gross me out. It didn't revolt me. It didn't sicken me. It didn't make me laugh. It didn't make me cry. It didn't cause any emotions in me whatsoever, besides the one in my head saying, "I can't believe you just wasted 1 hour of your life on this garbage." The movie is a sad attempt by an amateur filmmaker to make the most gory, disgusting, disturbing, evil, twisted movie ever. He failed more horribly than anyone has ever failed at anything before in the whole existence of mankind. There was no story -- it simply followed the journey of a girl from her adolescence to late teens when she joins a satanic cult and then drowns herself in a bathtub (I applauded that part, because I knew that had to be the end of the movie. Thankfully, I was correct.). People are killed, dismembered, beheaded, hacked up, beaten up, tied up, raped, etc, etc. And the vomiting. Oh yes, the multitudes of vomiting. Vomiting in toilets, on people, on themselves, on severed heads, in severed heads, in a beer mug, then drinking it, then vomiting it out again, and repeat five times. On and on and on for a whole hour and ten minutes. The effects were subpar, almost BAD in my opinion. Not once did the movie actually make me believe that this was actually happening. The director tried to make it scary by using odd camera angles, harsh lighting, and very severe editing to make the video jumpy and bizarre. I think he had to do that, because without totally fucking with the pace of the filming, it would have looked even MORE fake than it already does now. Art? Well, this guy has mastered the art of making the biggest, most worthless, most UNSUBSTANTIAL film of all time. Congratulations! I give this movie a negative absolute zero star.
Groundbreaking Movie #1 on my list tonight was Brokeback Mountain. Yeah, yeah, I know -- it's a movie about two gays. No shit. Still, given all the good reviews, and all the awards it has won, and the fact that it's supposed to be "groundbreaking", I watched it. Personally, I saw nothing special, unless you consider the story focusing around two gay men, which is something new to Hollywood. The main thing I got out of the story was that you should cherish what you have now, because it might not be there tomorrow. Thanks, I already knew that, and that idea has been covered in many, MANY previous movies in the past 75 years of cinema. I give the movie a half star.
Groundbreaking Movie #2 that I watched tonight, against my better judgement mind you, was Slaughtered Vomit Dolls. Let me get this out of the way right now -- this movie is the biggest piece of crap ever made. It's not scary. It didn't gross me out. It didn't revolt me. It didn't sicken me. It didn't make me laugh. It didn't make me cry. It didn't cause any emotions in me whatsoever, besides the one in my head saying, "I can't believe you just wasted 1 hour of your life on this garbage." The movie is a sad attempt by an amateur filmmaker to make the most gory, disgusting, disturbing, evil, twisted movie ever. He failed more horribly than anyone has ever failed at anything before in the whole existence of mankind. There was no story -- it simply followed the journey of a girl from her adolescence to late teens when she joins a satanic cult and then drowns herself in a bathtub (I applauded that part, because I knew that had to be the end of the movie. Thankfully, I was correct.). People are killed, dismembered, beheaded, hacked up, beaten up, tied up, raped, etc, etc. And the vomiting. Oh yes, the multitudes of vomiting. Vomiting in toilets, on people, on themselves, on severed heads, in severed heads, in a beer mug, then drinking it, then vomiting it out again, and repeat five times. On and on and on for a whole hour and ten minutes. The effects were subpar, almost BAD in my opinion. Not once did the movie actually make me believe that this was actually happening. The director tried to make it scary by using odd camera angles, harsh lighting, and very severe editing to make the video jumpy and bizarre. I think he had to do that, because without totally fucking with the pace of the filming, it would have looked even MORE fake than it already does now. Art? Well, this guy has mastered the art of making the biggest, most worthless, most UNSUBSTANTIAL film of all time. Congratulations! I give this movie a negative absolute zero star.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Stop Signs
Every so often, in a world full of utter assholes, there exists people who are actually cool. They are scarce, timid, and hard to find, but they are out there. Take today for example.
I stopped at Best Buy after work to pick up my DVDs (they were on sale). After that, I needed to stop over at Boscov's and see if they had any shirts I liked (sale there too). I'm driving around the parking lot, and am about to make a left turn into the Boscov's main parking lot. Approaching the opposite stop sign of where I was about to turn was a red Cobalt. I was nearly in front of this car when I noticed he was going REALLY fast, and it didn't look like he was going to stop. Suddenly, he realized what was about to happen, and he slams on the brakes, stopping halfway out onto the road. I'm chuckling to myself as I make the turn, mostly because the look of panic that he had on his face for a few moments was priceless. And I didn't bother stopping or waving or anything, because as close as he came to me, he could see me laughing, so I figured he knew that I wasn't pissed or anything.
So I got into Boscov's, and walk half-way through the store, walking past the side entrance. Two guys come in through that entrance, and I noticed they were looking at me. At first I just thought I was in their line of sight, and I kept walking until the one dude says, "Hey man, sorry I almost hit you."
So I say, "Oh, that was YOU? Don't worry about it. I've done the same thing before." And he goes on his way. The guy was MY age -- early to mid-20's. Someone in my generation with manners? That's a first.
I stopped at Best Buy after work to pick up my DVDs (they were on sale). After that, I needed to stop over at Boscov's and see if they had any shirts I liked (sale there too). I'm driving around the parking lot, and am about to make a left turn into the Boscov's main parking lot. Approaching the opposite stop sign of where I was about to turn was a red Cobalt. I was nearly in front of this car when I noticed he was going REALLY fast, and it didn't look like he was going to stop. Suddenly, he realized what was about to happen, and he slams on the brakes, stopping halfway out onto the road. I'm chuckling to myself as I make the turn, mostly because the look of panic that he had on his face for a few moments was priceless. And I didn't bother stopping or waving or anything, because as close as he came to me, he could see me laughing, so I figured he knew that I wasn't pissed or anything.
So I got into Boscov's, and walk half-way through the store, walking past the side entrance. Two guys come in through that entrance, and I noticed they were looking at me. At first I just thought I was in their line of sight, and I kept walking until the one dude says, "Hey man, sorry I almost hit you."
So I say, "Oh, that was YOU? Don't worry about it. I've done the same thing before." And he goes on his way. The guy was MY age -- early to mid-20's. Someone in my generation with manners? That's a first.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
I love Excel...
=IF(F2="PA",((11-B2)*O2),"-")
Sometimes I even amaze myself. If you know what that does, I'll consider you my equal.
Sometimes I even amaze myself. If you know what that does, I'll consider you my equal.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Lesson learned
Don't buy anyone a cell phone for Christmas. Trust me on this, it's really not worth it. At least not 50% of the time.
On my cell phone plan, I have the option of adding up to 5 lines for $9.99 a month each. My parents were already on my old plan, so I already knew that I would be getting them two new phones for Christmas when I redid my plan. Since I knew that my sister and brother-in-law didn't have cell phones, and that it would probably for them to have them. So I asked my sister before Christmas if she would like me to buy her and Brandon (my brother-in-law) a cell phone, and add them to my plan so they wouldn't have to pay full price for an account of their own. She was quite excited by the prospect, and explained that she never really got a cell phone because she didn't want to go through the whole setting up of an account and etc, so this was perfect. So now I'm excited, because for a change I actually thought up a good gift idea. I told her that the phones would be only $9.99 a month plus all the surcharges that the government fucks us in the ass with, so plan on about $45-$50 a month for both phones. She was like, "Cool."
So Christmas has come and gone, and I got my first cell phone bill of my new account. $228.38. I'm of course a bit puzzled by this, and I start reading through everything to find out why the bill is so much. The first problem was that the media basic packages, which were an extra $9.99 a month for each phone. When I set up the account, I was under the impression that was only $9.99 for all five phones. So, that's a rectifiable issue, and I'm canceling those packages. Next, there's an unknown $9.99 charge on my brother-in-law's phone that is dated BEFORE I EVEN BOUGHT THE MOTHER FUCKER. So, tomorrow I need to call Cingular and have them credit me for that bogus surcharge. Next, there were activation fees on my sister and brother-in-law's phones, which I forgot to mention to my sister. But these are of course only a one-time charge, and won't be on next month's bill at all.
That, however, doesn't change the fact that my sister owes $93.01 for her two phones this month. Needless to say, she no longer thinks of it as a great gift idea. I didn't realize that I had to also play the part of the customer service person who keeps the clients happy. On top of that, on every phone except mine, the voicemail prompt wasn't working. Three SIM cards later, we finally got that issue resolved. It hasn't been a pleasant experience for me, especially considering that NONE of the these problems are with MY phone!
On my cell phone plan, I have the option of adding up to 5 lines for $9.99 a month each. My parents were already on my old plan, so I already knew that I would be getting them two new phones for Christmas when I redid my plan. Since I knew that my sister and brother-in-law didn't have cell phones, and that it would probably for them to have them. So I asked my sister before Christmas if she would like me to buy her and Brandon (my brother-in-law) a cell phone, and add them to my plan so they wouldn't have to pay full price for an account of their own. She was quite excited by the prospect, and explained that she never really got a cell phone because she didn't want to go through the whole setting up of an account and etc, so this was perfect. So now I'm excited, because for a change I actually thought up a good gift idea. I told her that the phones would be only $9.99 a month plus all the surcharges that the government fucks us in the ass with, so plan on about $45-$50 a month for both phones. She was like, "Cool."
So Christmas has come and gone, and I got my first cell phone bill of my new account. $228.38. I'm of course a bit puzzled by this, and I start reading through everything to find out why the bill is so much. The first problem was that the media basic packages, which were an extra $9.99 a month for each phone. When I set up the account, I was under the impression that was only $9.99 for all five phones. So, that's a rectifiable issue, and I'm canceling those packages. Next, there's an unknown $9.99 charge on my brother-in-law's phone that is dated BEFORE I EVEN BOUGHT THE MOTHER FUCKER. So, tomorrow I need to call Cingular and have them credit me for that bogus surcharge. Next, there were activation fees on my sister and brother-in-law's phones, which I forgot to mention to my sister. But these are of course only a one-time charge, and won't be on next month's bill at all.
That, however, doesn't change the fact that my sister owes $93.01 for her two phones this month. Needless to say, she no longer thinks of it as a great gift idea. I didn't realize that I had to also play the part of the customer service person who keeps the clients happy. On top of that, on every phone except mine, the voicemail prompt wasn't working. Three SIM cards later, we finally got that issue resolved. It hasn't been a pleasant experience for me, especially considering that NONE of the these problems are with MY phone!
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