Bulletstorm

I can't remember the last time a game made me squee louder than a female tween who just saw Edward from Twilight walking down the street.  And that's a pretty fucking loud squee.  I'm quite glad no one was around to hear it. 

Bulletstorm is a game that takes everything fun about a shooter, condenses it into a nice little package, and serves it to you in one big serving.  Covered in chocolate.  With whip cream.  And sprinkles. 

You get the idea.



Ok, first the premise.  The premise is that this game is so much fucking fun who gives a shit about a premise?  But if you insist ––  two guys crash land on a planet after driving their spaceship through a larger spaceship, and they now have to escape while also maybe perhaps at the same time seeking revenge for assassinating innocent people on the orders of some old, ugly guy who swears more than Richard Pryor.

But none off that really matters when your shooting bad guys in the ASS with a SHOTGUN.  And getting rewarded for it!

The whole gimmick of Bulletstorm is that the gain rewards you with skillpoints for performing certain “skill shots”.  These range from simple (perform a headshot), to utter WTFuken complex (Stun a boss then go behind him and knock off his armored helmet before shooting him in the ass). 

You can then buy cool stuff with these skill points from Dropkits that are so plentiful that a spaceship the size of Neptune filled with the things must have crashed on the planet.  Once, I totally restocked on ammo at one of them, then got the next one before firing a single bullet!



Not that I care.  I was having too much fun shooting people in the ass.

And getting chased BY A HUGE METAL SPIKY WHEEL THING!  WHILE BEING CHASED BY CARS.  AND HELICOPTERS!  AND TRAINS!



If there's one thing this game is good at, it's going utterly over the top in every thing it does. 



The game is also gorgeous.  It uses the Unreal 3 engine, so it has that…unrealistic sci-fi…look about it.  (The kind that makes you look at it and say, “Wait, that's not how that's supposed to look…”)  But it's still damned pretty. 

And yes, the pistol in the above screenshot is my favorite weapon.  I'm quite certain I was a gunslinger in a former life. 

Or a future one.  Depending on your point of view. 

In any case, I'm tired.  I'll have more to say about this game tomorrow, including the moment that caused the above-mentioned squee.

Now playing: Green Day - Know Your Enemy - Winamp *** 1619. Green Day - Know Your Enemy